im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize