I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
