if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
