Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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