a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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