I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
