what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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