is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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