my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
