I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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