So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
