I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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