This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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