"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
