Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
