how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
