My hand turned me down
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize