She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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