im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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