I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am naked and annoyed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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