Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
