Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
