This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
