ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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