I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
