We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
