Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
