those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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