he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize