Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
