i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
