your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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