phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
