this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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