I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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