Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
