so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
