He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize