I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
4 words: hood of his car
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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