This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
