I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
