Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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