You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
