see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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