I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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