Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
