i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize