I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
