my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
