I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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