I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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