With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
