They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
