god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
