I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
