And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
