I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
