Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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