My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
