His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
