She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
